Nothingness
by Ryuuzaki21
Summary: Now that Light has died, he must come to terms with all the lives he has shattered, including that of a certain detective... LxLight. Interesting plot twists ahead... it seems that there's more to Nothing than Light or L anticipated. Read and Review :-D
1. Lockdown

Warning: If you haven't read the manga series, don't read! (But honestly, why would you be reading Death Note fanfictions if you have no clue what's going on? Don't look at me, I have no idea.)

AN: When the manga series ended, I was so sad :-( !!! But honestly, I think I was a bit disappointed when L died. He remained my favorite character (Mello was a close second, though, since he actually bothered to show some emotions… jeez after being around a bunch of unemotional geniuses for such a long time, anybody could go crazy) throughout the series, so surprise surprise he's going to play a significant role in my fanfic. However, I decided not to tell this from his viewpoint. A) Because I couldn't write like him even if I tried and B) With this plot, it'd be much more amusing to tell the story from Light's POV. Sooo, without any further ado…

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Chapter 1: Lockdown

First, there was the end. What was to come, I had no idea. Ryuuk had said that I would go to the same place everybody else does when they die, but I didn't believe him. Or, more accurately, I didn't want to believe him.

I mean let's face it: the cards were not in my favor. At this point, I didn't have any cards, I had no chance whatsoever of making a comeback. I was dying, my fate set in stone using pen and paper. The taste of my own medicine shattered my pride and dignity.

The last 40 seconds of my life flew by, and my hands struggled to grasp them, but they were more elusive and swifter than smoke. Then the opposite: Ryuuk's laughing face blurred, and then slowed down. My anger, my fear, the gripping terror mingling with the blood staining the ground, it all disappeared.

3… 2… 1…

The End.

Some believe that you are reborn as the very thing you hated most when you die. Others don't believe anything (or, more accurately, don't want to believe anything). And I can't blame them, because for my whole life, death was something that happened to other people, not to me. In fact, I brought people's deaths upon themselves. I didn't care about my own death, because I never truly thought it was going to happen. I immersed myself so much in my work bringing justice to the world that I couldn't even see my own end sneak up behind my back.

But the most popular belief among us humans is that the bad people will get their just desserts in hell, while those that led lives of virtue will float up to heaven, where they finally get to indulge themselves free of guilt. These are the people I pitied most. They were going to get a nice surprise in the afterlife.

Once my eyes closed for the last time, my soul was delivered into Nothingness. There, it was locked up in a Manifest and then set free to wander.

But how is it possible to wander through Nothingness? At first I didn't understand, because nobody is able to understand at first.

Images flashed...

A miniature version of me pranced across the kitchen to my mother, who was awaiting my return from school with a glass of milk and some cookies. How naïve. For the first time, I could feel my acceleration through this Nothingness. I could see my Manifest moving in respect to this memory.

Or was the memory moving in relation to me?

I really didn't exist anymore, but in order for my mind to comprehend this new world, I still referred to myself as "me" and kept some of those other silly Life behaviors.

Whether which whatever was moving to whichever didn't matter. A second memory flashed upon the Nothingness: Me as a high school student sat in a boring, stuffy classroom. Various doodles and diagrams decorated the pages of the notebook open in front of me, and every so often I was jerked out of my daydreams by the stupid teacher in the front of the classroom. A few pairs of jealous eyes bored into the back of my head, but my teenage form was able to give an air of indifference.

My mind gave a slight jolt as I realized what day it was projected into Nothingness.

A black notebook tumbled out from the clouds above.

I was immersed in the memory, waiting to see if it would play out just as it was destined to. But it slipped away, behind me, or above me, or just away from me. Or maybe I slipped away from it.

It was if my life were flashing before my eyes, to borrow the Life cliché. Yet it wasn't. No more of my memories were revealed.

The next image (It wasn't exactly an image, seeing as I wasn't able to see anymore. The memory was being placed inside my mind, or brought up from it, or… it is extremely difficult to explain. I'm afraid you'd have to be dead to understand) was not from my life.

It was from someone else's, and as soon as it flickered up, I knew exactly whose it was.

A little child clung onto the arm of an older man whose back was slightly hunched. Snow dotted his midnight hair and the ground below him.

A church bell tolled.

_L_

If a feeling of surprise or shock were possible in the Nothingness, I felt it then. Of course, my eyes didn't widen, and I didn't instinctively finger a watch strapped onto a wrist.

All I did was float by, or remain still.

And then the fluctuations.

Fragments of the minds of thousands of souls flashed in rapid succession, yet I had the time to decipher each one.

A Christmas gathering, a marriage, a birth, a death, a hope, a disappointment, a failure, the rare success, a downfall, a redemption, a homemade cake, a hardware store, a robotics laboratory, a dark alleyway, an opium den, a silver knife, a broken beer bottle, the shattered glass falling through infinite time and space…

My soul writhed.

For the first time, I was equal with everybody else. Our memories were the same. Everything was the same in Nothingness.

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Well, that was my first attempt at a DeathNote fic. I hoped you liked it (and if you did, I hope you'll review it) (and if you didn't, I still hope you'll review it)!! And even though summer's coming to an end, I'd much rather write more chapters than do the rest of my summer hw!

Thanks for reading (and reviewing hint hint)

Ryuuzaki21


	2. Confusion

AN: Wow it took me a long time to update. Just giving you a heads up here- I added a few more choice words that might offend a few (although so far, I get the feeling that people on like the curse whenever the fk they feel like it). School's been beating the crap out of me, and I've really got to concentrate on that right now (yes, may be my life, but sometimes school is more important than life). As always, Light's POV is the most fun to write, since he's such a pompous ass.

Anyway, enjoy!

Ah wait, before you enjoy, remember to review :-D

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Chapter 2: Confusion

Suddenly, I was no longer suspended in infinite Nothingness. In fact, there was a solid surface below my feet, and when my mind attempted to command the muscles in my body they did obey. I took a step forward and kept my face free from emotion, just out of habit from Life. However, instead of my body moving forward, the floor below me moved backward, into the dark abyss behind me.

Confusion. Something I hated during life. If you don't understand, you lose the game. In school, I was never confused. On the tests, questions that left others scratching their heads in frustration were conquered by me with ease. Even on that day where the Death Note fell from the sky (Now I realized how ironic the situation was: out of what we perceived as the heavens came this weapon of limitless power and destruction) I was in control. Any other person would have screwed up with the Death Note, by being so stupid as to use it for their own benefit and exaltation. I was different.

But then came L. Mysterious, dark, mature and immature at the same time. His genius mind made up for the social skills he lacked. Searches, suspicion, and surprises ensued. Each day I was pushed closer to the edge. But just as L was about to send me hurtling off the cliff I had worked so hard to overcome, I won.

Sorry, L. You didn't understand in time. You had to make sure there was real evidence for my actions. L wasn't my worst enemy by any stretch. In fact, if I wasn't burdened with the task of saving society from its inherent evils, we might have been friends.

It was the confusion, the loss of control. Only at the end of my road, after the lives I took to ensure my success, after all the sacrifices I was willing to make, the risks I were willing to take, did I have to truly confront what I dreaded all along.

The ground continued to pass below me.

Then footsteps echoed in the distance. It was impossible to experience the physical results of an adrenaline rush here, but the spark that ignited in my brain, the rapid fire thoughts that ensued, this was all too familiar. I did a quick 360 and saw nothing but the ground below me (if you could even consider it "ground", it was more like a comfort for humans who crossed into Death, something that reminded them of their old home) that trailed off into an unwelcoming darkness in all directions.

The footsteps continued. Now I could hear them clearly. But where the hell was this person? How come they could travel to me, but when I tired to walk I got nowhere? The scales were tipped in their favor in this realm, and I hated it. I tried to speak out for the first time. However, when I opened my mouth, nothing came out. I didn't have any vocal cords anymore, and it scared the shit out of me.

Now a shadow crossed the ground, extending from the abyss. I startled and jumped back, causing the ground to shift below me and making the shadow abruptly disappear. But just as soon as my feet touched the ground again (it took some time for me to descend back… I'm still not sure if there's any such thing as gravity or even physics that governs this realm), the shadow reappeared. And grew larger.

And then, a man was walking towards me. He was dressed in jeans and a plain long sleeved white t-shirt. A jolt of electricity struck my mind, and I'm sure that if I still had a heart, it would have jumped up my throat.

L. But there was something different about him. No longer did his slouch in his walk, nor did his arms and wrists remain at an awkward angle. His feet were still bare (no surprise), but his clothes actually seemed to fit him. And, even though I wanted to do nothing else but turn around and get the hell away from him, I looked up into his face. No dark shadows lined the bottom of his eyes. L's hair was styled in the same "I-just-rolled-out-of-bed" look, but somehow with the other improvements, it didn't look so bad (wait, what?!? There is no way I'm concentrating on his looks right now. I have more important things to worry about, for example, how to survive in Nothingness).

I wouldn't have recognized him if it were not for the fact that he were the catalyst of my downfall.

My mouth opened again. Nothing came out. L continued to advance towards me. How did this happen? Out of the millions of people that were in the same place, why him? And how was he able to move? Did I go through any changes? I raised a hand in front of my face and saw that it was completely normal (except for the fact that there was no blood or nerves running through them).

L was extremely close, close enough so that I could see his deceivingly innocent appearing onyx eyes. I tried to retreat, sort things out, and untangle myself from this web of confusion, but then I felt a hand touch my own.

And then, a voice: "Ah, Raito-kun, I see you have made it to Nothingness."

Now that just confused me even more. Obviously, there were some questions that needed to be answered, such as:

1) Why was L holding my hand?

2) How the HELL could he talk?

3) Why didn't I take my hand away?

I shook my head, dismissing all the irrelevant questions and driftings of my dead mind. I was about to jerk my hand away from L's when another one of his thoughts flowed into my mind: "I see you aren't accustomed to the ways of Death yet. See, laws of science or morality have no purpose here. Instead, this realm is controlled by a group of abstract rules, completely unconventional to our human minds. Rule #1: In order to communicate to others in Death, you have to be in physical contact with them."

That would explain why he was grasping my hand. But I still didn't understand how to speak. As if he could read my mind, L continued:

"To tell me something, you'll have to learn how to open your mind and accept that you are equal with everybody else. You have no superiority here, and neither do I. Only when you truly realize that you have no purpose here will you be able to open your mind and access mine. You'll see."

Who the hell did he think he was, talking about how we had no purpose in Death? Well of course not, that's what Life was for. However, we aren't equivalent here. There's no place in existence where people are all the same. They already tried that in Life and failed. My reasoning was simple and logical: I accomplished more in Life. Therefore, I do have superiority in Death. If this wasn't true, what did I sacrifice my life for? Why did I take on the role of Kira for the betterment of society?

A need to accomplish something is inherent in humanity. The need to feel important or wanted was present since the beginning of our existence as a species. The Bible (though it had some clear flaws) showed how Cain and Abel competed for the approval of God. When Cain's sacrifice paled in comparison to Abel's, he became consumed with rage and killed his own brother.

Why would the creator of humans instill this need to make their lives worth something if it meant absolutely nothing in the end?

I refused to believe it.

L seemed to get that I wasn't going to take any of his bullshit. He dropped my hand, and started walking away. "Wait!" I wanted to say. "Tell me about this place!" But then I was glad that I couldn't speak, because when I thought about it, begging for L's help would be the one thing I would never do.

But how did L figure out how to do everything? Surely he didn't believe that everything we worked towards in Life served no purpose? He sacrificed his own life for what he believed was right. There was no way he was going to accept that his efforts didn't mean shit in the end.

I would learn about this place myself. My intellect got me so far in Life, and I wasn't about to be conquered by Death.

I would defeat this confusion. This I knew for sure.

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Ah, as fall comes into full bloom, I can't help but hope for more reviews…. (coughcoughreviewcough).

Thanks for reading!

Ryuuzaki21


	3. Empathy

Chpater 3: Empathy

AN: Yay more reviews!! I guess since I really don't feel like doing my homework, I'll throw in another chapter before hell (a.k.a Monday) arrives.

Light: WTF you had me holding L's hand in the last chapter!!! Something's wrong here!!

Me: Well, duh, it's the only way you can communicate with others in Nothingness. Get used to it!

L: I also object.

Me: For now at least… evil grin

Enjoy and REVIEW PLZ!!

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One thing that I never understood about humans was their emotion. Not simple ones such as happiness, sadness, or anger, but love. Not only did love often contribute to the downfall of humans in Life, but it meant nothing once you died.

Not that that doesn't apply to everything else.

But love was a certain exception. It was the paradigm of irony. You would spend years and years believing that you were the reason the other kept living, or that the other would be so willing to sacrifice his life for you. But then, in a cruel but subtly obvious twist of events, you'd realize that you were the only one willing to sacrifice your life for the other. Unfortunately, this epiphany would come one day too late.

What a pathetic way to lose the purpose of your life. If people in Life were willing to accept the fact that true love is merely a seductive illusion, then maybe society would have advanced further. Maybe I wouldn't have had to sacrifice my own life for the sake of a world free from violence.

And the best thing was, the root of all violence in Life sprouts from love in one way or another. Rejected lovers turn into stalkers who turn into murderers. Jealous wives become masochists who become widows with the flick of a knife. The abused who loved their parents so much develop into psychotic avengers, trying to exact their revenge on society for shattering their childhood with betrayal.

I had no empathy for them, yet I was willing to take on the burden of saving them.

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As time passed in Nothingness (well, there was no such concept as abstract as time in Nothingness, but it was a notion I could not tear myself away from), my frustration continued to build upon itself. I still made no progress on moving or speaking or anything else that was possible in the realm.

And worst of all, I could not keep L off my mind. It was probably because he was the first person I saw here that had some sort of impact on my Life. No, it wasn't that. It was the fact that he could do everything that I couldn't. Once again, he was my rival, and right now, he was winning. Even though he said there was no superiority in Nothingness, it was clear that he somehow mastered how to walk and talk before me. And felt like he could lecture me on it.

But the fact remained that I defeated him in Life. While he may have a slight edge in Nothingness, I was able to outsmart him. I was the one who had a monopoly over the Shinigami long before L even considered their existence. I was the one who picked up the Death Note and knew exactly what to do with it.

Therefore, eventually, I would defeat him in death too.

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Again, I heard footsteps. My mind was on overdrive as L came into view. His new appearance still shocked me, and I realized how tall he really was. He must have been an inch or two taller than me in Life. However, his eyes were the most striking new aspect to him. Without those dark bags under them, they were just as wide but more piercing, as if they could look straight through the barrier in my mind and see my thoughts.

This time I didn't try to retreat. For some reason, I didn't mind his presence. Nothingness was really starting to become boring since I couldn't move anywhere or see anybody else. L reached his hand out and took mine in his.

"Ah, Light, I see you still haven't accepted your defeat."

I assumed then that he knew I didn't die of natural causes. In response, I stared back into his eyes, unflinching.

"You need to realize that I can access your mind. I know how you lost in the end. Near and Mello? I never thought they'd be able to bring about your downfall. I guess they're more intelligent than I gave them credit for. Ah, but Mello is dead now. I suppose I'll have to go and find him later. He may be just as stubborn as you. As I remember, your ego was not that much bigger than his. Nevertheless, just try and empathize with humanity. It's true that most of them are stupid and allow themselves to be manipulated by emotions and greed. But you aren't any better than them. Remember that you had your own flaws: a huge ego, a god complex, and so on and so forth. However, maybe you don't see it now, but in fact the very people you consider yourself superior to were smarter than you in some ways. There are different types of intelligence in Life, and while one may not be measured through tests, it still exists."

More of this bullshit. L and I both knew that nobody we knew in Life were even comparable to us. He was the greatest detective the world had ever witnessed, and I revolutionized the whole world. I was tired of his lecturing, and I wanted him to stop talking such nonsense.

But I didn't want him to leave, or take his hand away.

"You like me holding your hand?"

Shit, that was the wrong thing to think.

"Hmm… maybe you _can_ learn to empathize with others."

Before I could rationalize my thoughts, my other hand swung up to hit him.

But my hand just passed through his head. In fact, it was as if L himself were an illusion. Unable to resist the childish instinct, I passed my hand through his head a few times, just to make sure what my mind was trying to grasp was real. And then I felt ashamed and a little bit pissed off. It would have been really satisfying to wipe the smirk off his face.

"At least you're willing to show your emotions a bit more. However, violence won't work here. Since everybody is equal, nobody can be more powerful. That means nobody can hurt one another since that would require having more power. This is simple logic, Light. I assumed that you would have picked up on this a little quicker."

That stung.

"Believe me, I honestly doubt that you enjoy my physical contact in a romantic sense. You're merely lonely. Completely understandable for those who only recently died."

I shook my head and this time tried to draw away my hand. But L's grasp was firm.

"Must I repeat myself again? The reason why Nothingness is so bleak to you right now is because you still consider yourself superior to others. You are still unable to empathize with what others, even though you have experienced the same things they have. Don't you think that everybody realizes how detrimental love can be? But they are able to weigh the benefits and the losses, and are willing to take chances. By guarding your heart and your mind, you will remain where you are. There's a lot more to Nothingness than you believe, but only once you are able to understand what I'm trying to convey will you be able to explore the rest of the realm."

The rest? There was more than the weird ground and the dark abyss? What else could possibly exist in Nothingness?

"I'll leave you to your thoughts now, Light. That is, if you're willing to let go of my hand."

With the questions crowding my mind, I didn't realize that I was still holding onto L's hand like my life depended on it (ok, I'll admit it's a bad analogy since I'm dead…). I quickly dropped it and L traveled off into the abyss, no doubt finding Mello and giving him a lecture similar to mine.

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For the first time, I considered the lives of others. Maybe, as L said, they did retain some intelligence. Maybe love wasn't a futile goal. I remembered all the times I deceived Misa into believing that I really loved her, all the times I kissed her without meaning it, and all the times she risked her life for mine. Yes, she was stupid, but her delusion made her happy.

I, on the other hand, never ventured to give my heart to someone. Maybe it was a preemptive strike against the weakness that came from heartbreak, but what did I lose in the process?

And what about L? Did he ever love someone, or admit that others were just as smart as him, but in a different way? It seemed unlikely, but he claimed that accepting this was the only thing that gave him freedom in Nothingness.

I thought about every life that I strived to protect, and the stories behind their lives. What did they do to try and change the world? They had their failures, their successes, their dreams, and their heartbreaks. Even if they weren't as smart as I was, we all had something in common: our ultimate downfall. The fearful, accepting last breath in Life. We all ended up in Nothingness anyway.

And suddenly, I knew how to move on. When I took a step forward, I saw the ground remain still. I was able to quantify my progress. And when I approached the borders of the dark abyss, I steeled myself, stepped forward, and prepared to the best of my ability for what lay on the other side.

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Reviewing makes the world go round, or at least makes this story progress.

Thanks for reading!

Ryuuzaki21


	4. Change

AN: How the hell do all these people get over 100 reviews or write 50 chapter stories that end up being over 100,000 words long?!? Seriously, some of these stories could become novels. I did read in a newspaper article that one girl wrote a Harry Potter fanfic and actually received a writing contract because her story was so good. Can I hope to compete? Hmmm… something tells me I'd actually have to work for more than 45 minutes on each chapter…

Anyway, on with the story!

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Chapter 4: Change

_And when I approached the borders of the dark abyss, I steeled myself, stepped forward, and prepared to the best of my ability for what lay on the other side._

Nothing could have prepared me for what lay beyond the darkness. It was beyond human perception, beyond anything that occurred in the fantasies of the mind. It wasn't paradise, that's for sure. Then again, it wasn't hell.

In a nutshell, it fit the exact definition of Nothingness.

Millions of tones and variations of greys, blacks, and whites detailed everything. Souls wandered throughout the realm on different levels and in different dimensions. Sometimes, paths would cross and for a split second, the souls would fuse and become one, and then the two would walk off in different directions. Spirits soared off in tangents, and paths trailed infinitely in every direction.

I had to say I was a bit confused at first. If I had to compare Nothingness to something in Life, I'd have to say it is similar to one of those futuristic scenes in those movies where the cars criss-crossed on undefined highways throughout the sky. Then of course, the main character would step out of the time machine or whatever form of time transportation he was using and look up in awe, wondering how this chaotic way of life could possibly function.

But here, there were no cars or buildings, just an incomprehensible number of wandering souls, some lost, some peaceful, and even more that hung their manifest heads in shame, weighed down by the crimes they committed against society and themselves.

I took a step towards the complex ten dimensional medium that the souls traveled on, and immediately came into contact with someone, or something. My body locked in place, unable to move. I felt my arms become one with his arms, and my mind fused with his. Hundreds upon thousands of memories, stories, fantasies, hopes, dreams, nightmares, worries, and regrets flickered through and pervaded my own conscious. I was sure that he was experiencing the same thing, and I wondered if his life was affected by mine in some way.

It turns out it was. I knew this man. He was one of my first victim in Life. The man who tried to rape that innocent woman on the streets of Tokyo. I recoiled in horror as our essences shifted and we became two separate entities again. I replayed his death in my mind over and over again, but from his perspective this time.

First there was the perverted, disgusting, absolutely repulsive pleasure that came with his assault of the poor girl. But then there was the twist of fate, as if the invisible forces of nature shifted against him. He felt the need to pick up his motorcycle and chase the girl, even though it was against normal procedure to do so. And then, the glaring, blinding truck lights…

I moved forward. Even though we had split off into our separate ways, he was now a part of me. I saw the life I had destroyed, even though he deserved it for attempting such a heinous crime. I saw his earliest memories of humiliation throughout school, abuse from his parents and peers, degrading and debasing comments from everywhere. He had nobody to trust or confide in, and every attachment he made to another person was almost severed immediately in a cruel betrayal.

But this did not excuse him from his actions. Or did it? What was he trying to accomplish in raping that woman? Now I understood it was not only a perverted sense of pleasure that drove him to make the decision, but a series of events that accumulated into a fierce hatred that instilled a need for revenge on society. He saw his classmates achieve while he was hindered by purely external forces. Why should he suffer while others had a perfect life free from abuse or any evil?

It didn't make sense. I had passed the ultimate judgment on this man without knowing where he came from, what motives he had that could possible explain his actions. I hadn't known how completely screwed up his life had become from years and years of unfortunate circumstances that chipped away at his very essence, changed him from an innocent, loving child into a jaded, perverted, evil man. It was not entirely his fault, it was society's fault, and it was arbitrary forces that dealt him a shitty hand of cards.

When I glanced at the situation from afar, all I saw was a criminal assaulting a defenseless woman. If I had known then what I did now, would I have acted any differently?

And, just as I perceived his life in a whole new perspective, my own life became distorted in my mind. No longer was I this savior of humankind that served justice through the destruction of all evil. The realization hit me: the evil wasn't concentrated into certain humans, it was a factor of life that pervaded the entire society. It wasn't just one man that lead to the almost rape of the woman, it was the children that rejected him, the parents that abused him, and those who wronged him in the first place. When I killed him, I only killed the middle man of the evil. The origin began way before he was even born.

I had changed. Not only had I lost my body and power to death, but now I lost my entire sense of purpose. I thought I was doing good in Life, but really, I wasn't doing anything to cure the violence in the world. I ruled with oppression, which suppressed the evil in humanity for a while, but never came close to exterminating the inherent root of darkness in all men.

My soul was tethered to these thoughts, this guilt that added an unbearably heavy weight, and I assumed the posture of those around me who were lost and regretful. I was on the same level as these souls that surrounded me, if not lower. At that moment, I wished I could have redone my life so that I hadn't screwed up justice so badly.

And the worst part was, my adversaries were the ones who were correct. First the police force, then L, then Near and Mello. They were the real enforcers of justice. I was the evil.

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As my mind struggled to grasp these new concepts (I was wrong… how could that be possible? I was so sure that I was the force of justice in the world...) I realized why L's posture and outward appearance was altered so dramatically. In Life, he was bound by the pressure of catching criminals and enforcing what he believed was justice. Each case, he had the lives of the innocent resting on his shoulders, and if he slipped up just the slightest bit, he would be catapulting those souls to their dooms. And this mental pressure actually affected him physically. With his mind being the only wall between the innocent and the evil, he couldn't afford to concentrate on anything else, even his own health. Maybe it was wrong to take on such a burden willingly, to dedicate his life so fully to the protection of others. Who knew what was right anymore?

But in death, he had no obligation to the innocents in Life anymore. He had no emotional or moral ties to them. Therefore, after years upon years of extreme work and self sacrifice, he could finally relax.

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With my first steps into the real realm of Nothingness and my first soul intertwining experience, my whole mindset had changed dramatically.

Now, it was time to find L.

But how the heck was I supposed to find him? When I looked up and down, I saw the paths of thousands of souls just circulating around me. And then there were those paths that led off into who knows where. Just then, another soul bumped into mine.

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This time, I had no idea who this person was. But boy, was she pretty. Her head rose for a second so I could see the imprint of what her face was like in Life. Long and most likely dark hair framed the sides of her face, and long side swept bangs brushed the front of her forehead. What was most striking about her was her nose. It wasn't small or dainty at all. In fact, her facial features were quite severe. But somehow it didn't make her ugly like it would have in Life.

It could be because I could see past that face and into her personality and mind. Instead of judging her based on her looks, I flipped through her collective conscious and saw her for who she really was:

She was definitely smart, almost as smart as I was in high school. Then how did I not know her? Surely someone with this amount of intellectual potential would have made it far in Life. She was a high achiever all throughout middle school and most of high school… but in her senior year…

Here's where it got cloudy and fuzzy. She was at some sort of party… but there were older guys there. One of them was attracted to her, and then…

I didn't even need to invade the rest of her private memories to know what came next. And right then, I was convinced that I was right in my convictions again. There was no way this man had any reason that could come close to explaining his actions on that night. This young woman had the potential to better society. She could have become a scientist and discovered the cure to some deadly disease, or could have written valuable literature.

But most of all, she could have married her fiancé.

She was about to marry this man… his name slipped through her memory, but her heart ached so baldy whenever she thought about him. And she was so close to spending the rest of her life happily married…

It was too cruel. I saw how my denouncing of love had been baseless. For that split second, I was her as she faced him and lied, saying she didn't love him anymore.

But really, she did. And that one night ruined the rest of her life.

If only I had killed that man before he got to her… I could have saved the rest of her life. I could have prevented her from waking up at 2 am to grab a kitchen knife from the drawer and turn it on herself.

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AN: Sooo… I hoped you liked it. I'm always weirded out by how my writing changes with each chapter, or how it doesn't. I have no clue, I just write down random stuff and ship it off. Who knows if it even makes sense?

Ahh!! Death Note the English version is on Saturdays at midnight (or Sundays at midnight, whatever you consider it… whoa is that a weird thing or not.. whether its Saturday at midnight or Sunday at midnight)!!!

Reviews would certainly help me… you know… peer reviewing? And they would let me know to update faster… HINT HINT

Thanks for reading!

Ryuuzaki21


	5. Perspective

AN: srry it took so long for an update!! My life is a bit chaotic now with fencing season starting, a violin concert coming up and a speech and debate tournament that I'm about to get my ass kicked in. Well, in times like these, I like to follow my motto: procrastination is good for the soul… at least for now…

Happy Turkey Day!! I suggested that this year we deep fry the turkey in a mixture of oil and hot sauce, but this was not taken seriously. I take offense.

Anyway, on with the story!

……………………………………………………

Chapter 5: Perspective

For a moment I totally forgot about L (even though I wanted to rub it in his face that I got through the barrier that used to separate me from my personal confinement in that dark abyss with the weird ground and the rest of Nothingness, and of course that I was right about Kira being justice). I only encountered two souls so far but they made my mind flip flop from one extreme to another. Ultimately, my experiences in Nothingness so far boiled down to one uber-difficult question (although I never liked to admit it in life, I strongly believe that uber is the best adjective):

Was I serving justice as Kira? Were my judgments of people's crimes correct? And even if I did screw up with some cases, was it worth it to ensure the safety of the masses? Was it really my right to determine the life or death of such lives filled with so many events that it would be impossible to review each and every fact to make sure they were truly evil?

Okay, so it boiled down to many questions. But answering any of them would put my mind to rest.

Well, it was true beyond reasonable doubt that that rapist who caused that innocent woman's suicide deserved to die himself. In this case, Kira was doing the right thing. But what about those ambiguous cases where there are so many causes of a crime that you would have to kill half a city in order to serve justice? Like for a psychopath, the origin of his insanity may be physical abuse from his parents. Then you'd have to kill his parents, since they also committed the crime, albeit indirectly. Then again, what if the grandparents abused the parents, and so on until there was a neverending chain of violence started by the farthest ancestors?

I thought it would be impossible to get a headache in Nothingness, but I was wrong. Technically, my brain didn't hurt because I had no brain, nor did I have a nervous system to alert my mind of pain. But I did have an essence. It may not be detectable by living means, but it still existed in some translucent form (I'm guessing this is where the ghost myth originated in Life). And right then, it hurt.

Somehow I had to come to a conclusion about this. There had to be a right answer, one that would put all my worries at ease. I was determined not to spend the rest of eternity mulling over difficult problems like most of the souls here. And then, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to do it on my own.

And of course, my mind drifted to the one person whose intelligence was on par with my own. But how was I going to get to him…

Well, from him I learned that souls were able to communicate with each other. I reached out and grabbed the nearest wandering soul. I was surprised to find that it was very hard to yank one away from the path it was traveling on, even though it wasn't heading towards any destination that mattered. His essence turned around and I gasped (no, I didn't really gasp since there was no oxygen circulating in my body and no lungs to expel air… you get what I'm saying… I suppose I mentally gasped…) because I was facing the greatest sacrifice I made in my entire life:

Sorchicho Yagami. My father.

In my shock, my hands jerked back and the connection between us was severed instantly. And then awkwardness descended.

Well, I couldn't say I was surprised at that. I was facing my father who I had killed in my blind ambition to become the god of my criminal free world and he was facing his son who he still believed was pure and good. He had no idea that I killed him, and that I was willing to sacrifice him to achieve my dreams, which may mean absolutely nothing now depending on whether I had the correct notion of justice or not. I had some explaining to do.

I mentally readied myself and was about to initiate contact again when he stepped forward and lightly rested his manifest hand on my shoulder. The words that came out of his mouth then made me wish that I had never been born, or that I had been abandoned as a child or something.

"Light, I know what you did. And I cannot believe that my own son would work against me for such a childishly idealistic world. I thought I raised you to be better than that. I thought that you understood what justice really was since I was chief of the police force. But apparently not." I was about to break contact and retreat back into the dark abyss from which I first appeared, but his essence was now intertwined with my own. I felt my shame flow from my essence into his, and he spoke again. "I cannot forgive you for what you did to the world. You took such unacceptable measures that even now, I still struggle to believe that you were so deluded with such an idea so far away from justice. But, I have to admit, I can see where you came from. Of course the world would be a better place if all traces of evil were eliminated. Heck, I'd personally love to kill any evil person who dares to interfere with the lives of the innocent. But it just isn't possible. And I've learned how to administer justice because I've learned to accept this. All we can do is our best.

Your plan was good. But in this chaotic, imperfect world, your idealism caused many flaws. As you may have discovered, the world isn't black and white. Not even death is just black and white. You heard about many criminals on the news that have been accused of a crime, but what if they were accused wrongly? And those who interfered with your plans, such as me, were killed. But according to your criteria, only those who committed heinous crimes such as murder or rape were really evil. I wasn't evil. L wasn't evil. Nobody on the police force or part of the FBI were evil. Yet you still killed them because you saw them as a threat to your perception of justice.

Don't you see? It's all about perspective, Light. You saw justice in one way, while others saw it differently. And as the stakes rose, your actions became more drastic, and your perspective became warped with inherent evil of imperfection. You no longer only killed criminals, but those who dared to have a different perspective of justice.

But how can you tell which perspectives are right and which are wrong? You might ask. Good question. Maybe I can't tell about all of them, but yours was definitely wrong. Want to know why? As you believed yourself, justice is for the benefit of the people. You originally killed criminals, or those you believed to be criminals, to protect the lives of the innocent and benefit society on a whole. But then your definition of justice changed from protecting the people to benefiting yourself. Your god-complex made you kill those who weren't evil at all (such as myself). Also, you weren't able to realize how convoluted each case of justice is. All the variables clash to make each story different, and for you to pass judgment on such complex beings without a second thought was wrong.

I may not have as high of an IQ as you Light. But at least I was able to realize why such an idea as yours would never work. Don't you think that someone before you came up with that idea? Come on, even a first year student could think that up. You were the only one who was both willing and capable to carry out such a simplistic plan. Some ideas just sound good, but are too perfect to work in an inherently flawed world like ours."

I guess I didn't need L to answer my questions for me.

"I'm sorry, Light, but as I said before, I cannot forgive you for what you have done. I cannot call you my son anymore. You were the one evil I gave my life up to fight against. I will be sure that our paths do not cross again."

I didn't try to stop him when he turned and disappeared down one of those paths leading off into infinity.

………………………………………………………

So I was wrong. _I was wrong_. Only when my own father said it did it finally make sense. My whole life's purpose was wrong. How? How could I have spun off in the direction of evil, the very thing I was originally fighting against? 

Something within me refused to accept this. I wanted to know that I was right, just like L wanted me to be Kira so that he would be right.

I mentally pinched myself to keep my mind off of L. I had more important issues to mull over, like my whole life and my psycho mind.

Just then, something touched my back. Again, that familiar jolt…

"I see you've made it this far at least, Light-kun."

I kept my mind blank.

"What is it? You're afraid to share your thoughts with me?"

I could almost feel his smirk. He knew he was right, and here he was to rub it in my face. Hmm… how ironic.

"Yeah, I could see how you would believe it to be ironic that you sought me out to tell me you were correct, and then you realize you were wrong just as you found me."

This time I exerted my newfound powers, "Ok, just shut up already L!"

That startled him a bit.

"Ah, I see Light-kun has learned how to speak. And here he's actually honest with me instead of putting on that ridiculous act of piety that he maintained throughout his whole life. Well, except for at the end. You got pretty touchy there."

Ok, he really needed to stop acting like the whole events of our lives were so trivial.

"But, they are trivial."

If I were alive, my essence would have heaved one hell of a sigh.

"But, I'm guessing Light-kun isn't able to realize that yet. Well, even though it is taking a while, I'll accept this. But answer me this at least: were you really my friend? Did you really enjoy talking to me, or was it all part of your façade?"

Hmm… that was actually a hard one to answer. I took a step forward to move out of the path of a wandering soul and lost connection with L momentarily. There! I had some privacy in that instant, so I let my consciousness roam free for the few seconds (yes, yes, I know there isn't any concept of time in Nothingness, but I needed something constant to grasp when everything else was spiraling out of control). Did I really like L (as a friend, of course…)? Even though we were enemies and rivals, did I enjoy his company? I thought of all the times we pissed each other off (the handcuff phase didn't help at all. The issue of going out in public was a biggie, since the handcuffs could be interpreted in a bad way… ok stop it!! bad images bad images—

And of course L comes in on that moment.

This time he wrapped his arm around my waist to ensure that I couldn't get away again.

And it definetly didn't help with the bad images floating through my essence and flowing into his…

"Whoa, Light-kun, I guess you did like me after all."

Again with the trademark smirk.

Surprisingly, along with pain and shame, you can feel embarrassment in Nothingness, and wow did it rush through my essence.

"Don't get the wrong idea, L. I was merely thinking about how you forced me to live handcuffed to you during the decidedly most hideous time of my life and how people might interpret this as perverted on your part. Believe me, I'm pretty sure I didn't like you at all in Life."

"So you like me now?"

I forgot I was dealing with a smart person here. I was going to have to employ my intellect here, even though my essence was weary from my psychological ponderings from before.

"No, L, I don't. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go and find… other people I knew in Life."

"Such as…"

"None of your business."

My mind a blank slate again, I wriggled out of L's grasp and hurried away as fast as my essence could take my conscious.

…………………………………………………

AN: well, I am definetly not used to writing about a guy couple, but for some reason, I think it works between L and Light. Again, my writing tends to be a stream of my own conscious, so I apologize for any repetitive passages (my mind tends to be circuitous sometimes).

Ahhh! If anyone's seen it so far, the English version of the death note anime series is SO AWESOME (UBER COOL!!)!!

And L's voice is just the best. I swear, I live for L's voice on Saturday night (whoa, just a bit creepy).

Uber reviews are uber welcome.

Thanks for reading!

Ryuuzaki21


	6. Surprise

AN: Wow, I wasn't expecting this! Over 1000 hits! Thanks everybody! Anyway, I apologize profusely for not continuing this story for so long… it seems that I got distracted by trivial matters (i.e. homework, school, sports, ect). But now it's SPRING BREAK (at least at my school) !

Happy almost Easter! Sometimes I wonder how the world would change if that killer bunny from Monty Python and the Holy Grail was the mascot of Easter instead of the fluffy, happy bunny we have now. I used to ask my parents why I never saw the Easter bunny hide our eggs, and they told me that if I did see him, I'd turn into a stone. From then on, I stayed away from windows and possible areas that bunnies could hide in… 

But I must be boring you beyond belief. On with the story!

…………………………………………………

Chapter 6: Surprise

_My mind a blank slate again, I wriggled out of L's grasp and hurried away as fast as my essence could take my conscious._

Soon it was apparent that death has only one pace, as I found my essence traveled at pretty much the same speed whether I was depressed or desperately trying to escape a part of myself that I did not want to stumble upon. It also became apparent that L knew this too, because when I freed myself from his grasp (and a shock went through my "body" as I realized that my essence was now cold) he was able to walk right beside me.

I realized that this would have gone much better had I been alive and able to run or something of dramatic equivalence. 

"Ah, Light-kun, you haven't answered my question yet. Were we friends?"

Ah shit. That wasn't a question I was ready to answer. 

"Really? Why not? You always seem to have the answer to everything, and I recently calculated that my reasoning abilities have increased by 30 ever since I died, and I attribute that increase to the loss of pressure I experienced."

Loss of pressure? He was sounding like a tire.

"Really Light-kun, when will you let go of your life? You no longer have to act, because you have nobody to convince. You have no more power than anyone else in this realm. Now I can understand why other people have a hard time letting go of their worldly dreams and the tangible, but why you? Have you become so accustomed to putting up a façade and exalting yourself as a god that you have been lowered to their level?"

Ok, one moment he was trying to be all touchy-feely-friendly, and now he's trying to make me look bad. What the hell is his prob-

"That's exactly what I mean! Nothing can make you _look _bad here except yourself. Why are you still trying to appeal to people when it doesn't matter? In fact, I have come to the conclusion (and I am 75 sure) that you did not think of me as a friend."

What a relief. Maybe if I couldn't convince myself one way or another, L could. And he was wrong. Everybody looked at each other and judged them. I would know, since I was the one who judged everybody in the world of the living. Even in death, I still have a conscious, and so does everybody around me. And if you were to truly let go of everything from your life, then surely nobody would have a conscious to tell them what is right and wrong, how to react to certain statements, and how to think. If death were truly as isolated from the living realm as L claimed it to be, then wouldn't death merely erase all memories and ties with our lives? But no, for some reason, I can remember, I can still feel, and that means that I still have something human about me. 

And as Sorchicho said, it is all about perspective.

This time I opened my mouth. "Maybe you see it that way L, but I don't. If I am going to spend the rest of eternity in this realm, then I have to have something to hold onto. And as you probably followed my mental rationalization, you realize that if I was meant to forget about life, then I would have already done so."

"There you are wrong. There is a reason why death has allowed us to retain our memories, but it is not to hold on to our previous lives. Instead, we are given a chance to live life as we truly want to. We can give in to our desires, and let go of everything that society has imprinted on our minds. There is nothing beyond this, and we have already went through the stage of humanity where we yearn for others' approval."

"What are you saying L? What about your sense of justice that you coveted so dearly and sacrificed your life for? Doesn't that mean something?"

"No. Actually, it does not. That is behind me now."

"Then you aren't L anymore! You've lost everything that defines you, so how could I possibly like you now?"

"So that means you liked me before?"

Hmm… back to this again. Why didn't he just let it go…

"That's it! Why aren't you letting me go? Why do you have to follow me around, trying to make me believe what you do? If you're going to let go of your past, then do so. Right now."

"I have. You aren't Light Yagami anymore, or at least not the Light that you were when you were alive. It is true that I only am associating with you now because of your past, but would you really be behaving like this if you were alive? You've already changed, as I have. And I can like the new Light, can't I?"

Now I was truly confused. In fact, the entirety of my experiences in death has revolved around confusion. Of course I wouldn't be acting like this if I were alive! That question made no sense at all. And yes, I have changed, but the only change I made was the transition from an earth-bound body to this freeform essence. Well, I did get a lesson in perspective, but it didn't change anything! I still have my opinions from when I was alive, and although L claims he doesn't, I would bet anything that he does too. 

And as Sorchicho always used to say, it has to get worse before it can get better. 

…………………………………………………………

_Just another step, just one more step, come on, do it already!_

She was getting closer to the top of the building with only one thought on her mind. 

_Keep going, keep going, this is the last think you'll ever have to do._

Well that wasn't true. After this step was another step, and another, and then there was the top. What would happen at the top? She could guess, but she couldn't know for sure. Maybe she would chicken out. She glanced over her shoulder, at the one last chance for her to change her mind. The steps behind her beckoned to her, calling for her to go back down, to address her fans, to act as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.

But the fact was that something did happen, and because of it, she could never look at life the same way again. Her closet full of revealing clothes no longer appealed to her, as the low cut shirts and short skirts only exposed her to the biting winds and her now frozen over world. Maybe she was being dramatic, but that was just how her life was. 

_It's okay, you're almost there, just another step, just another step._

How many steps had she taken? Not just the steps in the building, but how many steps had she climbed in her entire life? Not many, she supposed, since she took the elevator all the time. And why ask herself that now? What a pointless question. 

Now she could see a door.

_The End._

Her hand reached out, and it wasn't shaking like she thought it would be. In fact, a sort of cloud had settled over her mind, blocking out all rational thoughts. Not unlike being high, she thought, and one last giggle escaped her lips. The door slammed against the wall and she immediately was confronted with a blast of frigid air. Not that it mattered; she couldn't really feel it anyway. 

_Any last words?_

Hmmm… what did people usually ask themselves when they knew it was over? Judging from the countless roles she played in movies, they usually begged for forgiveness, or heaved a satisfied sigh, or rattled off a list of things they should have, could have, would have done. That certainly wasn't her style. If she were to live up to her name, she'd have to do something big. She didn't just have her multiple roles from the movies, she had played tons of other roles too. She was a secret murderer, a loving girlfriend, a devious slut, and a goddess. Certainly someone like that could think of something more dramatic than _oh I should have, or what if I did this, and what went wrong?_ She wouldn't beg for the forgiveness of a god because she had already witnessed him. 

_Would I do anything different if I could do it again?_

Her feet scraped against the pavement on the top of the building, and she could see people gathering below her, waiting to see her final act. The flashing lights of the police cars weren't foreboding, but only added to her brilliance. 

She looked up at the sky and saw some birds pass her without a glance. How could they live that way, without giving a shit about anyone else or anything? How could they pass something so important as her moment of glory without so much as a double take? 

_It is because they are truly free._

She returned her gaze to her audience, took a final bow, and took a leap of faith…

_Our Father, who art in heaven,  
hallowed be thy name.  
Thy Kingdom come,  
thy will be done,  
on earth as it is in heaven  
Give us this day our daily bread.  
And forgive us our trespasses,  
as we forgive those who trespass against us.  
And lead us not into temptation,  
but deliver us from evil__...  
_

Unbidden, the old prayer that was ingrained into her mind as a child, before her parents left her for this so-called heaven, before she became an idol to be worshipped, recited itself. 

_Great. A cliché. Is that all I am?_

The windowpanes flew by her, and she dared not to look down.

_Amen._

_See you soon, Light._

"Well L, I can tell you this now. If I wasn't your friend in life, then I am certainly not going to be your friend in death. Now leave me alone."

"Ah, Light-kun, it's true that you weren't my friend, but that wasn't the point I was getting at."

I didn't like where this is going.

"You were always, and will always be, more than just a friend."

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

AN: Well, that moved quickly. Surprise!

I promised myself that this chapter, I would hit 2,000 words so that the total word count would be 10,000, but it seemed so appropriate to end the chapter there. Oooh, my first cliffhanger (well sort of, I mean, you can guess what Light's reaction will be, but you probably won't be right). Ahh! Less than 100 words to go! 

OMG I've been trying to follow the English dubbed version of the Death Note anime but whn do I have the time? High school sucks. College has to be better than this. 

It has to get worse before it can get better

Shut up Sorchicho. Yeah I made him say that because from now on, I think he'll be acting as the little angel on Light's shoulders. Who's the devil then? I dunno.

Btw, L's English voice is SOO HOT. Wow, I liked his Japanese voice, but he is so awesome in the English dubs. 

There, 2,000 words (a little bit over)!

As always, thanks for reading! AND REVIEW (I am soo discreet...)

Ryuuzaki21


	7. Revival

AN: Here we get things moving. Even though I hate Misa (is there anyone out there who _does _like her?), it seems that I have to put her in. You'll see why. 

If you've read my profile stuff, you know that I'm also an avid Harry Potter fan. I think it's awesome they're splitting the 7th book up into 2 movies (well if you didn't know that, now you do). But I really, really hope that they don't cover the entire wandering-in-the-forest scenes where all Harry and Hermione do is run around the forest bitching about Ron and attempting to cook dinner for 300 pages. 

None of that pertains to my story, but whatever.

Spoilers for L's name!!

On with it already!

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Chapter 7: Revival

"_You were always, and will always be, more than just a friend."_

Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. No. Somehow I was so evil that I don't deserve any peace even in death. Not only do I have to confront and somehow accept what I did with my life, but now I have to worry about L. 

Who names their kid L?

This is not the time to worry about that, dammit!

"Actually, my parents never named me since they gave me up almost as soon as I was born. Watari decided to name me L Lawliet, and from there my name was shortened to L."

L LAWLIET?! Ok. That's not normal.

Even more unusual was the fact that _L Lawliet likes me._

Emotions flooded through my essence, and unfortunately, the pure essence of a human is not equipped for such strong feelings. In life, we had durable bones, muscle, and thick skin to cope with this phenomenon, but in death, well, who would guess that you would need to be able to feel? When they lower you into your grave and sprinkle some dirt onto your coffin, don't they wish you peace and comfort each other by saying that you're in a better place now? You know, R.I.P? 

Well one thing was for sure, I wasn't resting. And out of every fricking soul in this godforsaken realm, I was the one who deserved it the most. Haven't I done my service to the world? What do I get in return? A bunch of lifeless companions and a stalker/former detective? And suddenly, inexplicably, I was angry beyond belief. And then there was color. Red smoke, like blood dripped into a body of water, spread throughout my essence and filled my conscious. It swirled, lashed out, refused to be dormant in a cage of grey. L, who was close enough to me to be touching, immediately howled in pain and scrambled back.

_Pain. _



And what scared me the most was that he, for once, had that familiar panicked look of confusion on his face. 

And then I realized that _I_ was in control. For once, he was the one who was confused, instead of me. For once, I could overpower him and watch him try to run. The majority of my life was spent trying to make the realm of the living a better place, and when I finally had the guts to carry out my plans, he was the only thing in my way. And what an obstacle! Not only did he match my intelligence, but he managed to always stay a step ahead of me. Even at his death, he had replacements ready for him. But no more. He claims that everybody is equal in Nothingness, and that everything is in shades of grey. But apparently, there's more to this place than he knows. 

Other essences noticed the flood of color, something they almost forgot in their dismal wanderings. Most of them immediately turned back to their paths, picked up their chains again, and continued their regrets, lost passions, and gave in to their eternal depression. Others crowded around me, pushing L out of the way. And when I spoke, the words no longer left my mouth, but radiated out, reaching all those who were willing to listen. 

_See? I'm in control now. I controlled the realm of the living with a simple notebook and determination. I controlled the realm of the Shinigami and outwitted those who had much more power than me. I even controlled you, L. Who else could find the one weakness of the greatest detective in the world? _

_Why didn't you reveal me as Kira as soon as you had your suspicions? Had you done so, everybody in the world would have rallied behind you. They trusted you. Hell, you could still be living! You could have been the savior of the entire world! But no, you had to prove me to be Kira beyond a reasonable doubt for not only you, but everybody around you. You knew you were smarter than anybody else working on the Kira case, and that your word could become the law. You didn't need to explain yourself to the police after all. So why did you restrain yourself? _

Now I was fast. I created a path for myself, parting the crowding souls like Moses parted the Red Sea. Except I didn't need a staff, nor did I need the help of a god. My essence reached out its arm, stained blood red and pulsating, and it wrapped around L.

_And you continue to restrain yourself, even in death! I have a feeling you knew all about this, whatever this is. Or maybe you didn't. Either way, something stopped you from exploring death and exposing all of its secrets. Well not me. And this is how I was able to win, and how I will continue to win against you. I am willing to take risks, not only with my life, but with the lives of those around me. Are you afraid of me now?_

The red poison had worked its way throughout my essence. But I could feel my power abating. Where before, I knew I could reach out and cause pain when it was supposedly impossible, now, I was merely tired.

The souls crowded around me lost interest, except for a few. They looked hopefully up at me, and I could hear their whispers. 

_Kira… Kira has returned… save us… save us…_

What did they expect? I had no idea what I was doing myself! Somehow I had exceeded the limitations of everybody else, but what made me able to do so? And how could you save someone from guilt, from fear, from death?

I couldn't. Not yet. But now, as in the world of the living, these people are depending on me. 

_Kira is back…_

And L was nowhere to be seen.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

_Well, I couldn't stay bored forever._

Ryuk leaned back in his throne crafted from the bones of expired shinigami, the ones he expired by taking their notebooks. 

The other shinigami mulled around, half afraid and half mildly entertained. They muttered to each other under cloaks of poison mist, "Ryuk is in over his head… what's he doing now? It was crazy enough to drop _another _Death Note into the realm of the living, but that isn't enough? Now he has to screw with the dead?"

That is, until Ryuk caught them.

"Ahh, gossiping about old Ryuk, eh? Well you know what the punishment for that is!"

He was met with a score of confused stares. Some shinigami simply went back to muttering behind their backs.

"Crazy… he's gone nutters… shall we play a round?"

Ryuk cleared his throat, and when that didn't gain the other gods' attention, he stomped over to the gambling table and knocked it over, sending the sacrificial bones and dice sprawling all over the ground. 

"What the hell was that for Ryuk?" The other shinigami were getting riled up. It was one thing to mess with the souls of humans. To mess with each other was an entirely different story.

Ryuk stood up on the knocked over table. "You know the jewled king is dead! Now we need a replacement to rule over the other shinigami. And who better to rule than-

A dozen voices rang out at once.

"Me!"

"No, me!"

"What are you kidding me? It's me!"

"Shut up you shithead!!"

Ryuk finished his thought, "-me."

A dozen protests: 

"What the hell?"

"And why do you think you're so special?"

And a dozen secret thoughts:

_Since when did Ryuk get so cocky and arrogant?_

_If Sidoh tries to get the position, I can take him out easily._

_I just have to get the favor of at least half of them, and then we can just kill the other half._

_It'll work._

_It's perfect!_

_They're all falling for it… you've outdone yourself this time Ryuk!_

While all hell broke loose among the shinigami, Ryuk snuck off and gazed into the sphere that represented the realm of the dead. Now that he had a suitable distraction, he could work on securing his position as ruler of the gods of death. Without a moment's hesitation, he launched himself into Nothingness and concentrated on a certain egotistical maniac that he could manipulate.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

She didn't understand what was going on. Isn't this the part where her soul rises to heaven and she lives (not really, but you know what I mean) her happily ever after with Light? Why was everything grey and drab and ugh! No color! No pizzazz! What the hell was going on? Maybe she was on her way there, or something. Maybe you had to pass through hell or… maybe this was purgatory? She suddenly wished that she had paid a little more attention in church, or to her parents before…

But she didn't like to think about that. Instead, she waited for all the good parts of her life to pass, and then some beautiful white angel wings would sprout from her back and she'd be the princess of heaven alongside her true love.

And at first she did see happy memories: her with her friends dressing up and pretending to be models, her parents posing with her for a photo, filming her first commercial for some crappy kid's toy on t.v… 

Her fingers resting on the windowpane, leaving little smudges as she watched her parents' car disappear into the distance… and instead of waiting until the police officers came to her door, she saw for the first time what happened to them. 

As soon as her house was out of sight, her father opened the glove compartment and pulled out a brown glass bottle. 

"Honey, you said you'd quit that! You know you have to, especially with all the cameras around…"

Her father exploded in rage. "Enough about the fucking cameras!! When is it going to be about us, as a family?! Ever since you made our daughter into a toy for corporate Japan, 

we've had to act as a perfect family for those cameras. It's as if they're our god! They watch our every move, punish us if we do anything wrong in their eyes, and glorify us and make us an example for everybody else. So you know what, the cameras aren't here right now. Let me have this drink so I can be your perfect husband later."

Her mother just stayed silent. And another bottle followed the first one, and then another one, and then another one, until her father's feet were resting upon a layer of brown glass.

"You know, our daughter is just like these fucking bottles, you know? Just manufactured and made all pretty and commercialized until she's actually appealing to people. I bet those people watching her and watching us don't know who we really are. I really bet you. Listen to me!!"

He was slurring now, and his hands grabbed her mother's shoulders.

"David stop! I have to drive!"

"Oh yeah, you have to drive, just to look good for the cameras. Do you pretend to love me just for the cameras? Do you really love Misa at all? Or do you love your new coats and fancy shit? You know what I'm tired of this, tired, tired, tired, and you never care… never care."

And she didn't retaliate, because she knew his remarks had hit home. He slumped on her, his eyes closed to the harsh realities of his life without the blinding lights of the cameras and the fake smiles of his wife and now his own daughter, his sweet, innocent, manipulated daughter.

"David, get off me! David, wake up! You're going to kill us!"

His world was fading at the edges when he opened his eyes for the last time. 

"No, you already did that for us."

She took her hands off the steering wheel to push his dead weight off her. Had she done so a few seconds earlier, she might have gotten him off her before she saw the sharp curve. 

But that isn't how fate works, is it?

And this time, Misa could see it. The shinigami, Rem, hovered above her parents' car. She picked up the ghostly pen and opened that familiar black notebook…

Misa wanted to scream, more than anything she just wanted to throw something, tear something up, and cry. Instead, her essence just floated down the stream of events of her life, and those of others connected to her, and then to those of others she never met before. She should have rejoiced when she saw her Light next to her, kissing her, smiling when she did as he said. But then, she didn't see things from only her point of view anymore. She saw what was going through his head when he manipulated her and had her half her lifespan twice just to get what he wanted. 

When she flashed to her last step off the top of the building, she was happy to see her body hit the ground. Her life as she knew it was revealed for what it really was. And she didn't like it one bit.



This time, there would be no more nice Misa, and definitely no more dumb Misa. In fact, she already had something that nobody else here had. When her feet touched the ground and she realized she couldn't walk, she reached within her and brought out the one possession she was able to sneak into death.

_And they say you can't take it with you._

In her ghostly hand rested a Death Note.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

AN: Wow, I actually wasn't expecting that chapter. And just by writing that chapter, my opinion of Misa has changed. I think I'll do a little bit more with her. 

Ugh I hope this cold goes away soon.

cough cough REVIEW PLZ cough cough

Believe me, I don't have a Beta or anything! The only way I know I'm entertaining you is if you tell me!! 

(not sounding desperate at all, huh).

Oh yeah, also review about Harry Potter 7 being made into two movies. I think it's interesting.

Thanks for reading!

Ryuuzaki21


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